Season of the Blooming Sage Part 1: Midlife Disorientation
Have you ever had the experience of driving to work—a route you've taken hundreds of times—when suddenly you "awaken" and wonder where you are? This natural phenomenon we call "brain on autopilot" happens to all of us. Midlife brings a similar awakening that is even more discomfiting and, for the majority of women, far more disorienting.
Feel like you’ve dropped into a foreign country without a map?
Is your body behaving in unpredictable and uncomfortable ways?
Are the roles that defined you for decades feeling constraining rather than comforting?
Welcome to midlife—not the "crisis" that our culture has conditioned us to fear, but rather the threshold to one of life's most profound transformations.
The Crossroads: A Life Under Review
Midlife arrives not with a calendar notification, but with a deep, stirring question that emerges from the soul. It's as if your life's events, experiences, and behaviors are projected onto a drive-in movie screen for review. No popcorn here—just the booming voice of your inner wisdom asking:
Who am I beyond the roles and responsibilities I have taken up in society?
What unique purpose calls to me that is solely mine to pursue?
This questioning isn't a sign of failure or wrong turns taken. It's the natural awakening of a woman coming home to herself after decades of navigating a world that often demanded she abandon her authentic self to survive and thrive.
My forties felt like riding a rollercoaster blindfolded. Lyme disease, job loss, family adversity, and the heartbreaking loss of my mother kept me climbing and plunging through an unpredictable wilderness of pain. The questions naturally raised by midlife wisdom loomed large in my consciousness back then, but circumstances made the search for answers nearly impossible. I was in survival mode and had no elder women in my life to guide and support me. The journey was long and hard, but it led me to where I am today: manifesting my unique purpose in the world. My deepest hope is to provide women in midlife with the wisdom and guidance I did not get in my journey. It is my great honor to partner with women over forty to alleviate suffering, explore their unique purpose, and discover their remarkable future.
Photo by Meghan Spirito on Unsplash
3 Signs of Transition
The midlife journey for women isn't a sunlit park path where joggers nod hello and dogs play on manicured lawns. Rather, it's a deep forest with no path whatsoever—dim and shadowy, where three signposts—disorientation, discontent, and descent—arise from the mist. Consider viewing these signposts not as harbingers of doom, but as sacred messengers bearing important lessons. Each is letting you know you're in transition, pointing toward a more authentic expression of yourself hidden in the unknown.
Disorientation: The Map No Longer Matches the Territory
Perimenopause is a time of disorientation when everything that once felt certain now seems to be shifting beneath your feet. Your body changes in ways both subtle and dramatic. Hormonal fluctuations create emotional landscapes you've never traversed before. Suddenly you're crying at puppy food commercials while remaining stone-faced during actual tragedies. And your bathroom mirror betrays you by putting your mother’s neck on your body. It's like your body and emotions decided to play musical chairs without telling you the rules.
Professional identities shift as well. Perhaps you're no longer climbing the career ladder with the same ambition, or you've reached a plateau that prompts questioning the value of your work. The relationships that anchored your sense of purpose also change as needs and dependencies evolve.
For single women, this disorientation often carries unique challenges. My friend June, who recently turned forty, describes it as "watching all the future versions of myself I had imagined slowly disappear." The questions loom large: Will I find partnership? Should I have a child on my own? Who will care for me as I age? The financial realities of navigating later life alone add another layer of complexity to this season.
Married or single, gay or straight, rich or poor, dark or fair-skinned, we all experience this disorientation.
Photo by Intricate Explorer on Unsplash
2. Discontent: The Inner Voice of Truth
While disorientation shakes up your external landmarks, discontent works on your internal landscape. This persistent, uncomfortable feeling refuses to be silenced with quick fixes or distractions. Wine, online shopping, and binge-watching might offer temporary relief, but that nagging feeling of discontent stubbornly returns with your morning coffee.
You may find yourself irritable, experiencing unexpected rage, or feeling a deep sense of injustice about paths not taken and dreams deferred. These feelings aren't character flaws but messengers pointing toward necessary change—like emotional smoke alarms that won't stop beeping until you actually change the batteries instead of just removing them.
Past traumas often resurface during this time, demanding attention after years of being carefully contained. The injustices you've weathered, the boundaries that were crossed, the parts of yourself you abandoned to please others, the secrets you’ve kept—all rise to the surface and insist we pay attention. This isn't regression; it's your psyche's profound wisdom recognizing that true healing requires revisiting these wounds with a different perspective.
Discontent often centers around the dawning realization of how much of yourself you've sacrificed to care for others. The gap between who you've been and who you long to be widens until it can no longer be ignored. Denying the call is possible but to do so is to refuse the gift that nature offers to us for growth.
3. Descent: The Journey Inward
While our culture focuses on climbing upward, the wisdom of midlife insists that true growth requires a descent. This involves the brave willingness to enter the darkness of your own depths—to face fears, grief, rage, and disillusionment without running away. And let's be honest, it's about as appealing as a colonoscopy prep, but potentially much more revealing.
Photo by Joshua Sortino on Unsplash
During this descent, you might feel empty, betrayed by your body or by life itself. You might experience what feels like dismemberment as identities you've carried for decades fall away with nothing yet to replace them.
How well I remember my own descent - it was both hellscape and hopescape. The harsh, arid landscape seemed unable to support life, and feelings of overwhelm and emptiness vied for my attention. My soul was restless and dissatisfied most of the time, and yet, to my surprise, this same desert-like place comforted me with new spiritual insight and understanding that was like manna from heaven.
Our feelings aren't signs of failure but of profound initiation. Every great mythic heroine throughout history has faced this underworld journey before emerging reborn. Persephone, the young maiden abducted by Hades in Greek mythology, didn't become Queen of the Underworld by staying in her comfort zone picking flowers, after all.
The Hidden Promise of Midlife Transformation
What our youth-obsessed culture fails to honor is the extraordinary gift waiting on the other side of this passage. You will not emerge being all sweet, passive and saintly; you will emerge emboldened, courageous, and entitled to be fully alive. Think more Zena Warrior Princess than Princess Cinderella.
Olga Gryb for Unsplash
The disorientation becomes reorientation toward your own internal compass. The discontent transforms into clarity about what truly matters. The descent reveals the treasures buried in your depths—wisdom, power, and authenticity that were always yours but perhaps forgotten, like those good earrings you tucked away "somewhere safe" years ago and finally rediscovered.
To be sure, the space between what has been and what will be is unknown and, therefore, frightening for most of us. But as writer and activist Starhawk reminds us: "Change is frightening, but where there's fear, there's power... fear can become an ally, a sign to tell us that something we have encountered can be transformed" (Starhawk, 1982 as cited in Murdock, 1990). Or as the old saying goes, "The same fire that melts butter forges steel." You get to decide which one you'll be.
Embracing The Journey
This transformation isn't about rejecting your past lives but integrating the wisdom you've gained with the authenticity you may have sacrificed. Like a good stew that needs time to develop its richest flavors, you're not getting older—you're getting more complex and interesting.
So how do you lean into this season instead of resisting it? Here are four powerful ways to engage with midlife change:
Getty Images for Unsplash
Create space for reflection. Set aside time each day—even just 10 minutes—to check in with yourself without distractions. Journal, meditate, or simply sit with a cup of tea and notice what arises. This intentional pause allows the wisdom of disorientation, discontent, and descent to speak to you rather than being drowned out by busyness.
Find your witnesses. Share your journey with trusted friends who can listen without trying to fix you. Women who have navigated, or are navigating similar waters, can offer invaluable perspective and the relief of knowing you're not alone.
Honor what's emerging. Pay attention to new interests, desires, and dreams that bubble up, no matter how impractical they may seem. The second half of life often brings unexpected creative urges and passions that have been dormant for decades. These aren't distractions—they're vital clues to your authentic self.
Give yourself permission. When unpleasant feelings arise related to a person or opportunity, listen to them. Give yourself permission not to engage even if it may displease others.
This is where working with a mental health coach can be transformative. At Root & Wick Coaching, we create a safe container for exploring these signposts of transition. A skilled coach holds space for your process without judgment, helps you recognize patterns you might miss on your own, and offers tools to navigate the challenging emotions that arise. Unlike therapy, which often focuses on healing past trauma (though this may be part of the work), coaching emphasizes moving forward with intention, clarifying values, and creating a vision for this next season of life.
In the coming articles in this series, we'll explore specific aspects of this journey—the changing relationship with your body, the reclamation of creative expression, the redefinition of relationships, and the discovery of purpose beyond conventional roles. I’ve witnessed countless women navigate this territory and emerge not diminished but expanded.
Spoiler alert: none of them miss their younger selves
as much as they thought they would.
The disorientation, discontent, and descent aren't enemies to overcome but wise guides leading you toward your true nature. The season of the blooming sage has begun, and though the landscape may feel foreign now, it holds treasures you've spent a lifetime preparing to discover. Pack light for this journey—the baggage you've been carrying for others is the first thing you'll need to set down.
Your Coach, Chrissy
Notes
This post was created with assistance from Anthropic. (2025). Claude.ai (3.7Sonnet) [hybrid reasoning model]. https://claude.ai The final content reflects the author's views, research, and editorial decisions
Murdock, Maureen. ”The Heroine’s Journey: Woman’s Quest for Wholeness, Shambhala Publications, Inc, Boston, MA, 1990.
©Root & Wick Coaching. All Rights Reserved.
